I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
