What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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