Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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