dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
