you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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