did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
