Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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