I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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