Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
