No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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