Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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