I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
