Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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