Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just pee around me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
