don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
