I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize