I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
