He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
