So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
