they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
