I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
