Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
