I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
