Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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