meet me or not, i'm out of control
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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