Soap is not a condiment
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
