Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
