god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
