I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
