? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
