So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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