remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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