I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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