my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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