I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
