So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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