You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
