I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
