You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
