This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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