Just fell off a train. Bad.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
