First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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