Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
