she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
