I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
