it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
