I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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