stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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