We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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