he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
