sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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