the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What a dumb baby whore.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
