I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
