On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
