is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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