My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I will die if light touches me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
