And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
