$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
