Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
