go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize