I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
