Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i was born a porn star she said
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
