i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
