I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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