eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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