I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize