sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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