My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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