Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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