There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
