You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
