I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
