I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
