he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
