Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
