I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
