Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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