Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
