Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
