I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
