yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
The best revenge is premature balding
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
