So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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