So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
