She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
