Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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