this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
