I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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