Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
jump out the window naked night went bad
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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