Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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