he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
dude. I can hear the air.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
