So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
