I need help removing her.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
