census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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