In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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