I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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