i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
