can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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