was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
