Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
