OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
