I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's blow job season.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
