You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
