She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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