If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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