I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
