after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
