This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
