Betty ford says i'm here all night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
