Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize