I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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