my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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