He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
