I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
