the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
