imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
My life is pants optional.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
