There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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